


never let me go

by sourkitteh



Category: Kasabian, Never Let Me Go - All Media Types
Genre: Inspired, M/M, Never Let Me Go - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2015-02-25
Packaged: 2018-03-14 14:12:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3413630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sourkitteh/pseuds/sourkitteh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>status is everything, lives are disposable. and just because you fall in love doesnt mean you get your happy ending</p>
            </blockquote>





	never let me go

**Author's Note:**

> very heavily influenced by the novel never let me go by kazuo ishiguro which totally broke my soul upon reading. if you havent read it i would really suggest it ~~if only to understand half of what is going on in here~~

his first donation had went well, at least well enough that the thoughts of not knowing the process, knowing what would happen fades away like the smell of aestetic. tom smiles at the nurses and enjoys the attention he recieves from his new carer. chris smiles openly and reads anything tom asks him too. 

he gets moved a few days after the operation. back to the recovery centre and away from the ward. its less sterile and there are trinkets everywhere from past occupants and it makes tom feel like he belongs. 

tom has a beautiful view from his window and knows that some are jealous, some wonder how this new boy with the large smile seems to get everything he wants. tom wants to tell them, speak loud enough that they can all hear him offer up his room, the lovely high window and its vision of the surrounding hillsides to everyone who wants it. tom isnt special or selfish, he never has been. 

the rumours start a few months after toms first donation. the boys whisper and nudge each other as tom walks through the long corridors. someones coming, someone new who has been here before, years ago when it was his own first time. tom is intrigued but doesnt ask who it could be even when some boys look like they want to tell him everything. 

the new boy arrives on a sunday night, the rain outside pelts against the windows and tom can just make out the shadow of a boy with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders being pushed in a wheelchair. tom wants to step forward and say hello but the sharp curve of the boys wrist distracts him until tom is once again alone. 

"i heard hes on his third donation" 

"i heard hes almost completed"

"that cant be possible?"

the questions twirl round and round making tom dizzy where he sits trying to read a book in the garden. the autumn leaves are falling and tom loves the smell in the air. the other boys sit in groups waiting for their carers or their appointments. tom sometimes feels like hes a shadow when he watches like this. 

they deliver all meals and drinks to the boys room. tom watches the way the carer makes sure everything is perfect before entering the room. tom has watched his own chris come hurriedly into the room splashing half of his coffee before, this special treatment makes tom want to learn more. the other boys snigger and make up stories that tom chooses to ignore

the first time tom meets the new boy, he stands and stares for a while. tom is another shadow on the library wall and is able to tilt his head just so to get a better look. the boy is reading a thick book, fingers clenched against the dusky pages like he never wants to come away from the tale being woven from within. 

"i dont bite..." tom jumps and presses one of his hands against the healed stitiches on his side "i mean, they havent taken my teeth just yet" tom isnt expecting laughter or the soft chuckle he witnesses from the boy but it makes smiling easier and tom steps forward. "im tom"

the boy lets his head turn, eyes blinking up from where his body curls in its chair "serge...." tom smiles and takes one final step, enough so that he can raise his hand to accept the handshake. serges hands are frail but firm when they wrap around his own. 

they spend days and nights talking and reading books to one another. tom notes the way serges breath comes short and how his legs shake when he tries to stand to reach something but apart from that serge is the best thing tom has ever had happen to him before. 

the letter comes a few months later, tom reads it and nods to chris before signing on the dotted line, it should be simple. a quick job that requires a few days in hospital but then months of freedom afterwards. tom tells serge straight after chris leaves, smiling when he opens the door to let one friend out and the other already being there to let in. 

they talk, mostly about what theyve heard or what their interests lie in at any time. but the donations are off limits and tom finds himself wondering if the rumours about serge are all true. the days pass and serge smiles with a guarded look in his eyes. tom doesnt say goodbye when he has to leave with chris for the hospital but watches serge wave softly through the back window of the car.

something didnt go right and tom cries through the tremors of pain through his chest. its a infection they say, something that will be sorted with antibiotics but it hurts and tom is all alone.

the days curl from one into the other and tom has to be spoonfed for a while before the medication takes effect. he hates feeling so helpless and the jokes and smiles so easily given before come harder with each day. chris tries his hardest and reads all the comics tom normally loves but its not the same. 

tom is finally given the all clear from infection but there is something still niggling in the back of his mind that only goes away when chris comes to visit pushing a smiling figure towards him. serge grins and holds onto toms hands tightly, voice low enough not to attract attention but loud enough for tom to hear, he tells tom what has been happening, the rumours and comments that he left behind. tom smiles even bigger then serge and keeps their fingers linked together.

"are you comfortable?" chris always asks and smiles when tom always nods. tom had been given a warning from the doctor about pushing himself and taking his time. tom feels like hes been taking all the time in the world to recover this time and wants nothing more than to get up and walk around. watching serge walk into the room makes tom aware of the change between them and how many times it had been serge watching him move around freely. 

they dont talk about what theyve had done, but tom spots the scars, the knowing ridges of skin that reveal something may be different inside. tom smiles when he licks along the red marked skin of serges shoulderblade. the skin is scarred and thick and theres a chance serge might not even feel it at all but tom wraps his arms around serges chest anyway. 

the spring unfurls like the blossoming flowers popping up around the garden. the winter has seemed long and cold enough that tom is greatful to be able to step outside now without seeing the exhale of his own breath. serge was still sleeping when tom had left and chris had ignored the brunette still sprawled across toms bed when reaching for his scarf and coat. 

sometimes tom wonders if people can tell that hes given something away, something that didnt require a surgeon or someone elses need. sometimes tom looks at serge and wonders how he could take something without even realising. hand flexing against his chest, tom wonders if the beating of his heart will ever stop suprising him. 

the note is obvious, a stark white against the grain of toms wooden desk. he doesnt know where it came from as chris hasnt been in days but he knows what it looks like. the previous two times still click in his head and his fingers shake when he raises the letter up to read. 

serge smiles widely upon seeing tom, and his fingers already reach out to pull tom close. its only when the note flutters into his lap that serge stops touching tom to read. they sit in silence and reread the words that blur across the page. "its barely been six months" tom nods and then scrunches up the note to throw away. serges smile is small but sad in its corners. tom feels the sudden urge to yell as loud as he can. 

chris watches tom pace the room back and forth, dizzying footsteps that make chris sigh and shake his head "you knew this could happen" tom picks up a book and throws it across the room with a thud "there are newer boys here, why me?!" chris bites at his bottom lip and walks over to retrieve the book from the floor. toms body shakes and his breath comes in gasps when chris presses his palms against his shoulders "take some deep breaths" the thumping in toms chest makes him shudder. 

"the third time isnt that bad" tom turns with a pointed look down at the wheelchair serge has found himself back in "well, its not as bad as they make it out to be" tom cant force himself to smile but he can accept the hands that curl around his own. "will you read to me?" serge smiles and picks up the book left on toms pillow and begins to read. 

the doctors are kind, nicer then any other time tom has been here and tom wants to ask if its because of where he is now. the nurses smile and make jokes that make tom smile a little and think of serge.

the operation is a long one this time. long enough that tom is almost a little scared. before they take him down to theater tom catches a glimpse of chris looking through the window in his door, with a smile chris pushes it open along with serge who grins widely. tom doesnt pretend that hes not crying and listens to serge talk and talk, images and dreams floating above them like shadows until the doctors come back. 

the last thing tom sees before leaving is the soft smile serge sends his way. 

his dreams are harsh and cold and everything hurts. tom cant remember where he is and the beeping noise that tries to keep him awake is annoying. tom wants to go home, wherever that may be. there are tubes everywhere and tom can barely keep his eyes open long enough to ask for a drink. chris smiles and pets at his hair and tells him he did well. tom tries to smile but grimaces instead.

weeks pass and eventually tom wakes long enough to smile at serge sitting beside him. his voice is weak and croaks when he speaks but he listens once again to the stories serge has to tell him. books and real life twirl around his head and tom enjoys when serge rubs the wet cloth across his forehead. 

the nurses are nice, they smile and call tom sweetheart and tom wants to cry whenever they leave but he cant possibly beg them to stay. serge smiles and continues to talk, continues to press his fingers against toms skin and repeat what the doctors had already said a million times before. tom smiles and falls asleep to serge telling him "i always knew you were special"

the boys back at the unit stare and whisper and tom wants to smile at them, wave and tell them its not so scary but theres something in the back of his mind, the way his legs wobble as he walks and his back hunches that probably show them much more then any words he could ever think of. he survived for a third time and for this he gets the acknowledgement of a longer rest, a time for himself to heal and enjoy the calm of knowing hes one of only a special few. 

the summer is hot and breathtaking. chris agrees to let tom and serge visit the old sand dunes on the coast. tom cant remember the last time he was able to sit and stare at the sea without it being a picture or film on a screen. serge smiles and hugs tom promising to walk anywhere he wants. 

chris hires a car and takes them as far as the highest dune where serge coughs and holds tightly onto his ribs. tom feels guilty for all of a second before serge is chuckling, eyes alight as his legs finally give out and they fall to be hidden by the reeds. "a right pair we are" tom watches serge lay back against the sand and run his hands through the long blades of grass "that we are old man"

the smell of the sea and sound of the wind tire them out much too quickly but tom doesnt argue when chris comes back with blankets and flasks of coffee "not much longer boys" serge nods and lets tom pour them each a drink before he kisses tom until he cant anymore. 

chris drives back slowly with the windows down so that the smell of the sea lingers long into the countryside. tom and serge curl up in the backseat ignoring the twinges and pains that mean its almost medication time and chris smiles before rubbing at his eyes. 

they dont even pretend to stay in seperate rooms anymore and so the sight of the letter makes both boys drop their hold on each others hands. chris walks past the pair and leans down to read the long note. wide eyes look up and swallow as a shaking hand passes the letter to serge who nods and doesnt glance at tom who sits heavily on their shared bed. 

time seems to stand still but at the same time uncurl at such a pace that tom is already starting to feel dizzy with the effects of autumn. the long hazy nights keep both tom and serge awake with the heat but chilled with the breeze at the same time. tom wants to hold onto the time and tell it to stop for a while. 

the doctors greet serge like he belongs there. tom stands back and watches as serge signs the forms before the nurses are clasping their hands together and smiling in that way only nurses can. tom feels the terror claw at his throat and has to leave, letting serge know why when he hears the yelling shriek from down the hall. 

chris leaves them earlier then usual the night before but not before hugging serge for the longest time. tom wants to yell at him for making such a big deal, for making it all the more apparent that this is real and that winter is finally here. 

the nurses remember tom and smile at him with sad looks in his eyes, looks that make tom smile back extra wide as he clings to serges hand. "i think your scaring the staff away" tom turns to see serge smiling, eyes twinkling where they are half hidden behind his hair. tom doesnt hide the way his lip trembles as he pushes the hair away or the fact that his fingers shake more then usual when he leans in to kiss him. "i think we both scare them to be honest"

serges laughter is strained but tom cant help but smile. the doctors mill about but not in an intrusive way and serge reads the last story in the book tom has brought with them. the ending is silly and tom wants him to start it all again because he doesnt understand the ending at all. 

the nurse is young and obviously new when she knocks at the door before entering. tom ignores her to press another kiss against serges palm before pressing it back against his own cheek, the nurse blushes and tom sends a grin up at serge who shakes his head with a smile "the doctor shall be along shortly" neither boy knows who tightens their grasp on each others hands enough to be painful but they dont let go. 

they let tom stay as long as he wants. serge glancing between the ceiling and then back up at tom whilst the nurses attach drips and tubes until the beeping almost overpowers the soft words tom mumbles against serges palm, pressing kisses inbetween. the touch of the nurses hand on toms shoulder makes him jump and then shoot a startled glance at serge who blinks back. 

the last thing serge sees before leaving is the soft smile tom sends his way.


End file.
